Mastering Relationships

relationship

The greatest thing we can find in each other is our self.

 

Relationships are an integral aspect of life. How we interact with our lives and people, is what creates relationships. The harmony and peace we have or don’t have is really up to ourselves, for we create the relationships we have. By applying love, care and respect into our relationships we then allow a deeper exchange to take place. But what are relationships meant for?  How do we address them to give and receive, what they have to offer? These are some questions I have asked myself, mainly because of the struggles I’ve had with relationships over the years. Life is more effortless when we are able to find balance and peace with our relationships. Once I found peace with the relationships in my life I discovered a deeper meaning of relationships. I discovered that I could create a sacred relationship with my partner. As my wife and I grounded our experience of having a sacred relationship with each other, we then began to apply the principals we had learned with each other to all of our relations with others. This deepened our inner experience of our day to day life of interacting with others.

Three things relationships have taught me have been.

  1. I’ve learned about what my triggers are, what triggers me to be happy, sad, angry and all points in between. By knowing my triggers, I’m able to get to the source of my problems.
  2. How to control my emotions and respond with gentleness.
  3. They have taught me to see a connectedness between myself and others.

We are rewarded many growth opportunities because of our relationships with others. One of the rewards is that we can learn a great deal about ourselves through relationships. It really doesn’t matter what type of relationship or how positive our relationships are, there is a possibility for personal development found before during and after we engage in a relationship.

What are relationships about?

Relationships show us our strengths and weaknesses and are an important part of mastering ourselves. By looking at what works in our relationships, we can gain insight into where our strengths and weaknesses lay. Take some time and look at your relationships with others. Are you a leader amongst your friends or do you prefer to support and follow along? What type of friends or partners do you attract? Look at their strengths and weaknesses, you might find similarities in yourself. Now flip this around, what makes you angry? How does relations with others spark anger, frustration or sadness?  By looking at these things we gain a starting point into what we may be hanging on to from our past. When relationship challenges are overcome, we then can move into a deeper domain of relations with others.

By mastering relationships, we open up to seeing a unity with our fellow man. There is no separation between you and me, as we are all one. When we see that oneness in each other we then discover a greater purpose of relationships. We can look each other in the eyes and speak to each others’ souls versus banging our egos together. There is no longer a need to struggle back and forth projecting our traumas and dramas onto each other. Joining together in a relationship with another can serve a much greater purpose when both individuals have cleared themselves of their desire to play ego tug of war. We then can join our energies to collectively seam together our potential power as one entity. Our human potential is amplified exponentially when we join together in an equivalent spirit.

Unity  is already in place and completely intact, it’s not something that we need to create. All we need to do to experience it, is love each other and ourselves. Even if you are the only person in your community who is coming from a place of love and willingness to spark unity with others, you make a difference. You open the door for more meaningful relationships to unfold in your life. You not only affect your life but you affect every person you meet. You become a master of relationships.

Relationships encompass more than our relations with others. We have relationships with everything and everyone on this earth. Without the interference of the ego in our relationships, we are better able to see our true relation to each other. When we see how we are related to everything, we are less inclined to misuse people, places and things. Our closest and most intimate relationship is the one we are having with ourselves. Our mind creates relationships with everything. Some of the same principals apply to creating a better relationship with ourselves as we do with others. We need to be gentle, kind and loving towards ourselves always. The area that I was most out of balance with was the relationship with my mind. There was never any distance between me and the thoughts in my head. There was a constant dialogue running in my mind. If you find yourself having no control over your ability to set down your thoughts this may be a good indication that a mindful practice may be of benefit to you.

How do we engage in relationships with others?

How you engage the world and others can tell you a lot about yourself. Relationships are about engagement, they call for us to express ourselves and to listen to others. To be authentic and real with relationships, we must be willing to openly share what we are truly feeling, seeing and hearing, also we must be open to hear the same back. An authentic engagement with relationships, requests us to respond in diverse ways. In the past I was very reckless in my engagement with others and myself, I was fast to anger and slow to cool. Over time I learned how to soften my approach with relationships. However, in effort to curb my reckless approach I became very passive aggressive. I found it challenging to strike a balance. Finding equilibrium happened for me when I become genuine, loving, respectful and caring for myself and others. It doesn’t require us to talk in a soft monotone voice either. The difference is that I’m willing to come from truth versus passiveness or anger. I also had to become as good at listening, as I was at talking. People close to me found it hard to talk with me because if I didn’t like what I was hearing I would become very defensive and angry. Learning how to listen was a bigger obstacle for me to overcome.

Sacred relationships

Sacred relationships takes us deeper into the purpose of relationships. Sacred relationships are built on unconditional love, respect, trust and with the inclusion of devotion to one another. In your devotion to another it’s important to never lose sight of yourself or your relationship with God. Our connection with God, is the well from which we draw our ability to create sacred relationships. Therefore your relationship with God, must always be your first love. Without God there is nothing sacred to engage in with another.  A sacred relationship by my definition is a relationship that is based on deepening our relationship with God. There is a devotion to each other to assist and guide each other in the fulfillment in each other’s purpose in life. You never lose sight of the love that is created with each other, when one is not at their finest, the other does their best to stay anchored in love and support for the other. Even if one of you is getting angry or frustrated the other needs to maintain, a position of love. By holding each other in love you invite resolve to come much faster than if you were to take the situation personally. There is an old saying that goes like this, “relationships are give and take”. In a sacred relationship, this is not the case. Sacred relationships are about giving and taking nothing. You never ask things of the other that they can’t give, which entails being honest with yourself. When you ask for something from the other and they say no, it’s a no, because they can’t at the moment or it could be a no that they can’t. Not to be confused with no they don’t want to or they don’t care enough about you.

A sacred relationship doesn’t entail you becoming subservient to each other; it just means that you always do the best you can for each other. In an all give relationship you never have to fight for your needs, the other person will do that for you. You become attentive to each other and respond to what needs to be given. There is never a tit for tat mentality, nor does one ever relish in “I told you so”. This is the basis of my relationship with my wife, the result is never ending peace between us. She has never kicked me when I’ve been down, even when I get snappy with her. She always holds me in perfect love. We appreciate the love we share and always look for ways to give more to each other. Sacred relationships are easy in comparison to the relationships I had in the past. Not that I had bad partners, it’s that, I wasn’t ready to step into this kind of relationship. My ego had too much control of me. However, it takes two committed people to engage in a sacred relationship. It’s not a do it yourself project.

We are meant to embrace all of our relationships with reverence and divine love. When we are combative and resistant to relationships, we miss out on a great deal of growth that they offer us. If we shove relationships out of our life or struggle with them, that’s a good indication we may require more time reflecting and loving ourselves. The very essence of who and what we are is designed for us to be in relationships. At the depths of our spirit and soul there is no separation between us, there is no you just “I”. The unmovable portion of our soul, is unified with all things. The perceived separation we experience, is the mind interrupting the moment we are in. This is why we are designed to be in relationships with others; to deepen our relationships into sacred ones, so that we can experience unification with others.  When we remove the barriers between us we are able to catch a glimpse of the truth herein. When you look deep enough into another you will find yourself looking back.

 

When ALL Vanishes

Awaken Silence speak to me, what do you want me to see?

Deep stillness, of the divine, it’s in us all to find.

It’s here now, we are it, our eternal flame, always lit.

Feel the embrace of spirit divine, just remain still and you shall find.

It always has been, it always shall be, at the surface and depths, of you and me.

This connects us together. No you just I, real freedom, freedom to fly.

Cosmic Ocean, echoless sound, no more reflection to be found.

All has vanished, even the I

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