How to Safely Uncage Your “Control Freak”


In my last article[i]Awakening in the chaos of Life”, I mentioned that we awaken in correlation with how much we are willing to let go of. In this post, I will expand that topic a bit more. I will be talking about our need to control things and how to release the inner control freak in us.

As far back as I can remember I have wanted to control as much as I could in my life. The little monster in me always wants things my way. When things didn’t go my way, it was cause for a full-out category 9 temper tantrum. We generally associate temper tantrums with children however, adults have them as well, if not more often than children.

As adults, we just have them in our minds rather than throwing ourselves on the floor and flopping around. I know this because I catch myself having them. I have noticed that if I allow my little monster to take control, it will throw fits over just about anything.

Over time, I developed no patience for anything. The simplest of tasks could set me off throwing things and swearing at inanimate objects. I’m sure if aliens came to earth to study humans and caught me yelling at a microwave stand I was trying to assemble, they would clearly pack up and head to another planet.

At the climax of my little fits, I noticed that there is a very strong sense of “me” that is engaged. The situation or thing in front of “me” is pissing “me” off. The “me” that is pissed off is just my mind grasping at control in the moment I’m in.

My anger comes up because things are not going the way I planned it to go. An old friend of mine once told me “anger is unfulfilled expectation”. In my mind I always had plans as to how things were going to go. Every moment of my life was filled with expectation.

When we fill the moments of our lives with expectation we don’t allow what is happening to unfold as it is. As we all come to learn sooner or later, things always and forever will unfold just the way they do.

This was a hard lesson for me to grasp! I thought (the root of the problem; thinking) that once I became an adult that I could make my own choices and that I would be in control of my life.

Growing up, I believed that once I left my parents’ house and was no longer subject to their rules, that I would become happy. I would have total freedom to do absolutely anything I wanted. What I have discovered, is that happiness lives in the same home where acceptance resides.

By letting things be as they, we allow life to unfold just as it is. The truth is that it’s going to anyway, regardless of our mental positions.

It the article [ii]Manifesting our Lives,” I talked about our thoughts being the end of creation. Everything is already in motion for the preparation for what’s to come in our lives, so whatever is happening in this moment is perfect and just on time.

It’s our minds that make things out to be otherwise. To me, knowing that everything is perfectly in line with divine timing allows me to move into the arena of acceptance with grace. It doesn’t mean that I relinquish choice completely in my life. I just have learned to release my need to control things so much.

The control that we think we have is an illusion. Nothing is happening outside of God’s will. All the highs and lows in the world have divine perfection. This reminds me of the book [iii]Bhagavad-Gita. In this book, Krishna enlightens Arjuna while they are racing into battle. Suddenly Arjuna realizes that he is about to slaughter his family.

In his realization, he experiences oneness with all things – his opponents on the other side of the battle field are an extension of himself. However, he still must do what he needs to do, as there is divine perfection in what is taking place.

Things become so much easier the more we let go of our need to control them. It automatically puts us into harmony with our lives. I’m reminded of a passage from a book I once read called, [iv]I AM THAT Dialogues of Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

“Between the banks of pain and pleasure the river of life flows. It is only when the mind refuses to flow with life, and gets stuck at the banks, that it becomes a problem. By flowing with life I mean acceptance– letting come what comes, and go what goes.”

When you reach a fork in the Path on the road of life, follow the sign that reads acceptance, for it’s the way that leads you to peace.

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